Nifty Noodles/ near perfection
8/22/02
Thursday night
Saddleback church/Lake Forrest, CA
Recovery Summit
I finally found the perfect gig... Almost... Let's leave room for better. But this was as close to satisfied as I've ever been! 1200 people around tables in the main sanctuary at Saddleback Church. The sound system was great... I had a full band including bass and drums two keyboard players and two guitar players... And three back up singers.

The key I think was that I only planned eight songs... The focus was better per song... As there was no rush to fit everything in. The band worked the songs. Beginning with Joy Is a Singable Thing, Blue skies and Whisper Heard around the World... Then a break and a little stand up stuff that only "recovery people" would understand: "I've been in recovery for twelve years" I said... "yea, I'm on step 2!... "yea well they only give ya three to five minutes to share in group... I have a lot of issues"

Then into Everything in the Garden and turnin'. Over the back of the song I quoted the prayer for serenity as the band vamped on the chord progression. After This Day is Gone was next and I personally experienced all the feelings of every song all over again... I wasn't thinking ahead of the songs like I've always done. There was no rush. I was it for the night... no opening acts no other agendas. We started at 6:45. The audience was the perfect support for this music... I saw several people holding up telephones during the concert. Obviously this is a new way to communicate to people who couldn't make the gig.

From there I talked about all my failed attempts to "perform perfectly" in order to be approved of...in all areas of my life... And sang... Jesus Loves me Anyway. It was an outstanding few moments as I let the crowd sing it with me at the end. There were tears of understanding all around. We came back with Maybe I'm Amazed. There was a sigh of relief for lack of a better term... As it picked up the night in a very perfect way. Ending with Amazing Grace. "Thank you , good night... Keep coming back, it works if you work it"

I hadn't really planned an encore so I returned with I Love You with my Life and finished with a verse and chorus of I surrender all... Everyone joined in singing. There is a place that recovery people share... A common understanding of their brokenness and there need and gratitude for Jesus that can't be beat.

I felt fulfilled. The night was just enough... My expectations were not frustrated... Maybe that¹s more about where I am than what happened... I was deeply satisfied with the evening...and you have never heard me say that in my life time!!!

O.K. SO Thanks for lettin me share bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ Miss sippi Mud
8/17/02
Leon Bix band shell in Davenport, Iowa...
Arrived at the hotel downtown... There was a little fruit bat hangin outside the window of my room...even when I opened the window he was unmoved. I didn't take it as a demonic omen or anything but I thought it was kinda weird that he was hanging out alone downtown. This was a little Gospel festival for the "quad cities" I missed the Gospel Soul Revivers, a regional band that I believe was a highlight... Just based on the name. I came on at nine P.M. An hour late but that was great... It was dark by then and that adds to the atmosphere. . On a perfectly clear night, I was reasonably happy. The crowd was a ways away from the front of the stage, and the stage was six feet off the ground. I almost fell off the stage once. The floor was cluttered. The show was outdoors right beside the mighty Mississippi River. A perfect night for an outdoor concert. "You could hear you all the way down to the Riverboat Casino" one man said It was a fast hour. The mellow songs were received the best.

8/18/02 Cruised over to Peoria, Ill after sleeping late and having a Jazz brunch at the Radisson. What a way to tour... Nice and easy. Of course that's where it ended. Tonight's gig met no personal expectations. Did two hours. Took an hour and a half to find a pulse on the crowd. The silence between songs for me was startling. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. Like that pregnant pause after a joke when nobody's laughin' Found out later of the weird combination... The church had a Mennonite background with a Celebrate Recovery program trying to get off the ground. Truth is the stage was just huge. Took me ten seconds to reach the keyboard from the side of the stage... By then people had stopped "welcoming" me.

I was all over the place... The show never took off. I should have just played the songs. But no I had to try to make conversation and it was pathetic. Clearly I was the most mentally disturbed person this crowd had ever seen. Even the pastor said at half time... Wow I like having Bryan around cause he makes me feel normal. Clearly I did not pass the audition here. The highlight was when I was dinking around with the keyboard trying to find a sound that worked and I launched into a little instrumental version of America the Beautiful so I sang the chorus of it and everyone stood up. I was almost embarrassed but that was the strongest response of the night. I had expectations because it was sponsored by a recovery program. I was looking forward to being better understood than usual. I tried to force feed the show to a not ready for prime time recovery audience.

My sound man and I sat outside the motel and watched the most spectacular lightning show after the concert... We watched a bolt of lightning hit the ground and just stay there for several seconds... It was followed by a sense around sound crack of thunder that was downright quadraphonic! We both let out a holler like we were watching a touchdown of another kind. We actually broke into applause several times... We turned in when the rain came in sheets... And watched it all from the bottom floor of this little motel. God is good... All the time.

O.K. Thanks for lettin me share... I'm bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ smokin in Muskegan
8/10/02 Muskegan, MI
Saturday afternoon....
Festivals.... It's just so much like a police line up....the gong show...I'm just another bag of chips in the vending machine. It's Outdoors in the broad daylight. Waiting for an eternity to play my little set.... I haven't even gone on yet.... I'm trying to have a good attitude... I cast a few demons out of myself earlier! (it's a joke) ... O.k. What can I say, the sound was fantastic... No flaws in the song selection... I was so comfortable with the crowd I even sang If you pray for me and I'll always have Jesus. It wasn't the teeny booper crowd. More like a blues Jazz audience. I could tell it was going over. The real miracle was me. I was relaxed not worried about the response, not thinking all those negative thoughts I often have... About why I'm not the headliner. There was pure serenity... No more anger about why the majority of people don't like the music I like. I have resigned myself to the things I cannot change... I surrendered to God's will for me today. What a relief. I finished with Maybe I'm Amazed and the Love of God was all around me and I let it be. I did an encore with "I'd Like To Thank You Jesus" and my portion was given.

Saw some old friends backstage... The guys in Newsong and Anointed. People I've toured with in past years it was like family kind of. There were so many great singers here today. One of my favorites is Michael Obrien lead singer for new song... They've been on the road for weeks, he looked extremely tired and still gave an awesome performance on stage... But upon walking off I could tell he was emotionally drained. I've always joked with him about stuff. I complimented him on a good performance... And just as he was walking away... I said... "I'll be prayin for ya. He stopped and looked back like he'd never heard that from me... Come to think of it maybe he never had. It was like a connection and a surprise at the same time. I must say I can remember times on the road that were so difficult for me. Feeling rootless and disconnected... I know that look. I remember that feeling. I don't miss that kind of road life. It's a sacrifice I am no longer willing or able to endure. Talk about the damage done. All to sell a few more records and push the envelope of popularity. And at the end of the day I felt no more or less loved. It's a sacrifice sometimes to be out on the road... There's a price I've paid over the years. I'm grateful for the opportunity but I want God to fulfill me from the inside now. I want meaningful times of conversation with God... And I want to know that he is opening the doors and I'm not trying to pry them open myself.

The weather was perfect outside no humidity which is amazing considering we're right on Lake Michigan. David and I retired from the festival sight just as Nicole Mullins went on I wanted to stay to see Michael W. Smith but I am dragging out here. We went back to the hotel and from the dunes, watched the sunset on the biggest lake I've ever seen.

From, the threshold... I'm bryan d thanks for lettin me share.

Nifty Noodles/ Radio Show 3
8/6/02 Monday David Rowe and I Layed down two 30 second spots and a third half hour show... The time consumption doing this show is picking out songs that fit... (From other artists)...this week I used another Bonnie Raitt song as she has two prayers on her latest project that work well lyrically and fit a style of music that I like... The song is "Valley of Pain"... I quote scripture over the music bed as it fades... To add that distinctly Christian edge. (Too bad Steely Dan stuff doesn't work) I also played Ashley Cleveland's "What it Takes" and my own "Turnin" The show was based on step three of the twelve step program... Turn your life and your will over to the care of God.

The show is called "Have Yourself Committed" so I had to open the show with that song too... I closed with an up tempo gospel cut from Fred Hammond called "I want to know your ways" it's happy and funky... We cut out the "rap" style intro cause we know that rappers aren't in recovery! That was a joke... We just needed to shorten the song to fit it in... You know gospel songs go on for five minutes.

I'm liking Ginny Owens lyrics too... I plan to use a cut of hers soon. I like stuff with a funky beat and a little grease to keep it from being to perfect sounding... Know what I mean. It doesn't fit broken people! I want to play a lot of stuff from the Lunatic's Anonymous CD cause the stuff fits the sound and the lyrics better than many of my projects. I'm having to listen to more Christian CDs than I ever have in my life... Most stuff doesn't have a raw enough sound or the lyrics are too "pretty" I'm trying to use some blues stuff and old school music too cause recovery is often an old school reality...younger folks haven't had time to reap the consequences of their actions in most cases.

My honest assesment? The shows don't fall below a certain level because the things being said are to the point and tie the songs together in a strong way. I also borrowed a story from the nifty noodles to the "Life out of Step" segment... It's a funny story I read about a sail boat called the "many blessings"... Well you can read the basics on the noodles. When we came to the signature song at the end, "Strollin on the water", I lead in with "here comes Jesus now" and after a pause, I add... I think that's the "Many Blessings" back there behind him. Of course you'll have to hear the whole story to get the fun of that but hey I can't recreate the show in the noodles. I am finding a new focus in this show that is spilling over into my concerts. In Stockton last week I quoted song lyrics from "my lunatic friend" in dramatic fashion instead of singing the old music.

I'm sure these shows will eventually reach those of you outside my neighborhood. They have a permanence about them because of the content.

Driving home last week from Hume Lake after dropping off my son and his friends I listened to the first two shows for the entire 5 hour trip. Each time I picked up a different emphasis and I even got spiritual chills at different places. I was being encouraged myself by the scripture and prayer in a very cool kind of way.

There's hope in this stuff! and there is a need across the country... So with some prayer maybe God will open doors beyond the Inland Empire... And me? I'm just happy to be fruitful and inspired! I'm discovering that the opportunity to create from a personal vision is what makes me happy.

I'm bryan d.... Thanks for lettin me share

Nifty Noodles/ Top Of The Mornring
8/04/02 Sunday
Elk Grove, Ca Discovery Church.
Once again and with the same stomach pain for the third day I opened morning services at a Pioneer outreach. I've become something of a regular here seems like. Early morning was a shock in contrast to the power of last night. I struggled to find common ground and purpose in introducing my few songs. After "Jesus Loves Me Anyway" though there was a solid association with the bond that pain creates among us. God is clearly breaking me the way I asked him to back on the Strong Medicine CD years ago but never really pursued. I spoke momentarily of my gratefulness to God for the things he's doing even this week in my life. I was near tears... Now I know why I don't mind writing songs about these feelings but don't want to display them for people on stage. It is difficult to maintain control. ... And that would be a horrifying thing now wouldn't it?

The response in the first service was ovation-al. Second service was measured in enthusiasm from a younger constituency... I'm appealing to the grown ups these days... They've experienced the same painful needs for recovery from things that happened to make em the old people they are now.

Leaving for home after this week end I think of the warning to men of God about watching themselves after a great victory lest they fall by there own careless rest.

I limp home to nurse the virus that has found it's way to my stomach.

I'm bryan d thanks for lettin me Share!

Nifty Noodles/ threshold of a new dimension
8/2/02 Stockton, CA
With stomach cramps that started a day ago, maintaining a steady rhythm, I took the stage at a little banquet for unlikely looking millionaires. Supporters of Radio Station KYCC were invited to a little informal evening to hear updates on the expanding radio ministry and celebrate 24 years of service. I agreed to sing there cause I'm staying in the hotel just down the hall from the hall. I'm in concert here tomorrow night. But this turned out to be the beginning of a new place in my life as I've known it. Out of nowhere I announced to the small gathering that at 49 I wouldn't have imagined the sins I would eventually commit against Gods will... Simply because he was not working at my tempo. There was an almost unanimous nod of understanding and with that I realized that I was among friends and real Christians at the same time. The setting was intimate and under a harsh light. Which was good because I could see people leaning in as I sang the mellow set. Highlighting, as I always do these days, my new favorite piece... The under-whelming musical production of "Jesus Loves Me Anyway". I am finding a new awareness that people aren't as callous or pretentious as you think... But you'll never know until you offer them yourself in that harsh light where your scars are visible.

8/3/04 Stockton, CA
An early morning start with a local round of golf with Adam Bidel, my sound man and a local friend Ernie Stone. It was a bi-polar experience, more so than usual but it was compliments of Adam Bidel and he made the trip up here a "reasonably Pleasing" one. I can't tell you the struggle I had to focus on a greater purpose for the evening but I sat down in earnest, asking God to join me for whatever he'd like to see happen.. I was open... I mean I'm not promoting a new record or anything so... LORD, the floor is yours!! Imagine that!

What a novel idea. I arrived backstage 10 minutes before start time. I'm wearing a black suit, white shirt and black tie... With Rayban sunglasses! It's "blues brothers meets Men In Black meets Church of God in Christ". The lights went out and I enter the stage in the dark. The idea was to hit the music and the lights would come up on "I'd Like To Thank You Jesus". I control that from the stage... The music tracks that is... I came out and promptly hit the "off button". so I began the show mumbling in the dark to the audience as I searched for the program settings... It was quite unplanned and delightful... It was So... Me! I Think. I went through a variety of compositions and found my voice in such remarkable shape considering how sick I am.. That I just kept playing. I was experiencing hot and cold sweats but that all blended into the "sweaty stage" look anyway. I received a 3 minute standing ovation for "I'll always have Jesus" at mid point in the overall show... I was surprised. There was a difference in communication from the stage, a focus if you will that Bryan D has never been known for.

Truly it's a strange and wonderful thing God is doing in my old guy life. I allowed tearful songs to be felt before moving away in my usual flippant insensitivity... Something my manager has always said about me on stage. I'm approaching the stage with a different attitude lately... Nothing to lose, nothing to fear, nothing to keep! I gave it all away tonight!

From the Threshold... I'm bryan d, thanks for letting me share.

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