Nifty Noodles/ I've found my mission in life!
West Coast Office 8/28/06
I haven’t done a new show for Radio Rehab in nearly two years now… felt like maybe I couldn’t see anything clearly after my divorce… just felt like I should stop. And I looked back at all that work… 42 thirty minute shows at an average of 25 hours per week to put together (before the recording process) and I wondered what it was all worth except to keep me focused on my own recovery in some real desperate times.

I tried to do more shows about a year ago… but with the loss of most things I held precious… what was there to recover anymore? Since then I’ve discovered I’m still the guy who needs to learn some things about being in a relationship with someone and that I needed to do these shows strictly for me and not try to project what they will do for anyone else. This is not a performance!

That said… to my surprise and out of my own deep frustration with my own failures I sat down this morning and put the first song in the slot for a new series of shows I need to do for Radio Rehab…. The series will be based on a book that I am reading for the second time “living successfully with screwed up people” by Elizabeth Brown. The series will be called “Responsibilities of Happiness” … I’ve had a list of those responsibilities on my refrigerator for the last year… and the first show is starting to evolve: I am responsible to not act out of obligation!

It ties in to what my songs are about too… the Nehosoul Band is doing redemption themed songs including one that says “you gotta do what you love … and love what you get”…. But it’s taken me a long time to find exactly what it is that I love… it’s not just playing music frankly and that was really holding me back from looking at who I am and what I love.

I came up with a description of myself recently that is intriguing to me… “SOUL VIKING”…. It has an element of independence, and suggests a barbaric search for the depths of my soul and the conquering of my true needs and desires…inspired by my trip to Norway… where the world is stunning and rugged…and even intimidating..

I’m discovering for the first time the definitions of who I am and what I do…

My music is a documenting of my own adventure.. a quest for what it is that I love…spiritual? Yes but more than that… practical and pragmatic….painfully aware of the emotional war for sanity… an edge of the blade honesty about the inconsistency of my own thought process…and the need for outside influence… safety in numbers… and in the counsel of many.

My primary mission is to conquer my fears and stand in the freedom of my own soul in confidence that I am true to myself with the knowledge that there is a power greater than me that I must come to terms with!

My purpose is to find and follow my passion and communicate my understanding of the human condition in a way that lifts those up around me and inspires them to find themselves and a higher purpose for existing.

My goal is to bring hope by acknowledging the enemies of spirit and create a community of acceptance simply because we are here together.

My true love is to inspire others… my music and my writing are my sword and shield…my flag is the depths from which they flow…the soul! , as a combination of Heart and mind and substance that makes me unique.

In concert I want to give people hope in what they see in themselves… that they belong regardless of their condition or circumstances…decisions need to be made and appraisal is necessary but that is one’s own responsibility… and I am here to support one’s ability to choose for themselves what path they must travel.

I’ve been stuck for a lifetime defining myself by what I know I’m not… while allowing other people to define me by their own definitions.

In the end that was my down fall… I’m starting to believe in this list…here are my responsibilities:

*refuse to see myself by someone else’s definitions (other than God himself)

*find my own interests

*act responsibly

*express my real needs and feelings

*set limits and boundaries

*respect others and expect respect

*compromise and negotiate fairly

*not act out of obligation

It’s the beginning of another page in my life just in recognizing this list as my road to reasonable happiness… I’m finding it…

O.K. so there’s THAT Bryan D

Don’t know when the new radio show will be on line but I’ve started it!

Nifty Noodles/ Out of The Mouths of Babes
West Coast Office…8/26/06
I was talking to a very young fan via email a few days ago.. as you may remember I did a concert in Grand Cayman because this 16 year old girl asked me to help work it out…because she’d tried to come see me in concert in California and it didn’t work out.. twice… it didn’t work out.

Later we were talking about prayer and waiting on God…(a sore subject in my book) and “out of the mouth of babes” she contributed an insightful example of God’s plan A (our plan B)… she writes:

“Yea to me while i'm waitin and not seein what God is doin makes me frustrated 2.. up until now I find it hard to just let go and let God take over.. I’d rather do what i want now!!

it works quicker and usually the way I want it to.. But if there’s one thing I learned this year, God has a better plan for us than we originally set out to do ourselves. For example I wanted to go to Cali to meet u.. now thinkin about it.. it would have been my ultimate dream and goal.. but had I gone I don’t think the option of havin a concert with u and sailin and snorkelin with you would have come up had we just met in the coffee shop for 2 minutes said hi then bye.. take one picture and that’s it..”

I thought about how it applies with my own plans too thinking I know what I want to do.. but when it doesn’t work out maybe I should look at a story like this.. Giselah Ebanks got more than she bargained for .. maybe the thing to do when our plans aren’t working is to imagine a greater scenario!

O.K. so there’s that … Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ Finding My Way
8/24/06 West Coast Office…
I’m finding what I love.. a little at a time… following my passions lately… including some I never recognized before… like this week. I’m doing the bumper music for a new radio show called “Shepherds Bread” with Fredrick Umar… I just love to write scripts and talk over a music bed on the radio!!!... never thought of it as something to pursue… You might also see Second Chances on a nine minute promo video for Refiners Fire… as I offered it for use in the DVD … RF is the sponsor for Shepherd’s Bread a counseling show for people in leadership.

RadioRehab has been a subject in the last week… redefining possibilities for it’s improved stance to the public and of course doing more shows cause I need my own therapy! 8) I’m thinking about doing any number of shows on “living successfully with screwed up people”… a favorite book of mine by Elizabeth Brown. Seems to me that most of my recovery these days revolves around Other People and I’ve only done one show on what to look for in sanity with relationships… I’ve avoided it probably cause I haven’t had much insight myself.

Then next week I’m singing on a really cool Do Whop record… two songs… “little country church” an old lovesong cover and ”Joy of the lord” an old black gospel cut…done do whop style… look forward to you hearing these I think.

I’ve been hanging out at the local coffee houses in my town on weeknights when I’m home… becoming a regular at Open Mic Night with Coffee Depot and IT’s a Grind…actually last night I seemed to be something of the local celebrity as some singers come hoping I will hear their music and help em out… not sure what I can do there but I’m making friends and endorsing truth in music.

Sat with a young songwriter last night giving em tips on things I’ve always taken as common knowledge. But in this case nobody has ever explained music to some of these kids… they are wide eyed… hat in hand over a chance to learn.

Little tips like attention to delivery of the lyric…tempo changes in your set… music counterpoint to the melody so as to strengthen the hook. I’ve taken for granted all the things I’ve learned over the years in working with top flight producers and musicians.. I enjoyed imparting some knowledge.. and too I’m wanting to learn more guitar chords myself.

I had a marvelous outdoor time at “IT’S A GRIND” last night… messing up my own improvisations was quite entertaining.

I’m stepping out of my comfort zone so far these days that I can’t even see the easy chair I was in. 8)

O.k. so there’s THAT! Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ Details
8/18/06 West Coast Office…
I’m sorry I’ve been whining about “the church” again… it’s a huge mistake to identify some of the people I’ve had trouble with in organized religion and build an invisible snow man out of the body of Christ to throw stuff at. I made a list at the request of my new management consultants at Pavilion Entertainment. “List the people you have met in the last few years that you share common insights with! Those you genuinely like, who have similar affinities on some level”.

In an hour I had some 65 names of people I really liked and who seem to resonate with me personally and carry a similar identifying mark on their soul. With the help of a friend who pointed it out… they were all people I made contact with “in the body of Christ”… granted most of them are “back row believers” people who aren’t buying all the chili some “leadership” doles out but never the less share a common belief in a power greater than ourselves and a desire to follow a greater directive. They are passionate, independent thinkers possessed with determination, painfully aware of their own poverty of soul, who laugh easily and question often.

I’ve nearly come out of my chair here to realize I do have a place in this world! It’s a matter of identifying my surroundings in a positive way and it has pulled me out of a slump. I hung around at the Celebrate Recovery Summit at Saddleback Church for the last two days and wandered around meeting many who fit the description above. And in a matter of 48 hours had booked some ten dates with people I believe in and trust to share my music with. I have something booked on every weekend from September to the middle of November now because I learned a valuable lesson from a book I picked up left on a restaurant bench.. I only read one line in it before giving it to lost and found.. but it stuck in my head… “it’s not hard work… it’s network”.

I’ve always seen my music involvement in negative ways… “Shmoozing” and “Using”.. always came to mind… because I was not seeing clearly a proper motivation in my own soul. Somehow I’ve managed to “Right that sinking ship” in my own head and realize that it is an alliance with others that propels us forward… like in recovery … they say “No body recovers alone”. I’m still bailing water in that boat in my head… full of negative leakage! But this week I fixed a major hole.

I also made contact with the Talent buyer for the House of Blues chain of clubs and had a promising conversation with them about introducing the new material with the NehoSoul Band in the future… details have yet to be discussed but this is my most passionate pursuit in a desirable venue category. In light of my last email on prayer .. I will still ask God for his blessing in this endeavor… and if not why not… and show me where to go…

O.k. so there’s that Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ Answering Email............
8/14/06 West Coast Office
I answered an email from a young friend of mine today… it was a simple question but one I’ve never answered out loud before! And I was startled by my own words and insights. My answer might have been as much for me to hear out loud as anything I’ve ever said to myself. The question was “do you ever feel distant from God and your prayers are not being answered?’ to that I replied below:

I have reached a place in my life where my prayers are short with little expectation.. I don’t ask for ‘things” and I figure God might know my circumstances better than I so I don’t ask him to change that.. I ask for wisdom in decisions and insight into my directions… these are things where I see God answering prayer… in James the bible talks about “asking amiss”.. “To consume selfishly” our prayers are often for safety and comfort… and that is not always in God’s plan… his primary plan is for you to grow in wisdom and understanding of his will… this takes much patience on our part… God won’t remove another persons will either… and many of our prayers are about what other people are doing that we don’t like…here’s the best prayer I’ve ever heard…:

God, give me the serenity to accept what I cannot change… give me the courage to change what I can … give me the wisdom to know the difference between the two…

Help me live one day at a time and enjoy one moment at a time… and learn that accepting hardship is a pathway to peace…

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is and not as I would have it…

Trusting that you will make all things right IF I surrender to YOUR will…

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with you forever in the next

God will always answer this prayer!!!

Prayers he rarely answers? : take this pain from me/ make my circumstances more comfortable/ change other people/ don’t let me suffer or have to make sacrifices….

I believe you can pray out of concern for others…. for the infirmities of others but there too God sometimes has a plan for them that includes suffering! And he doesn’t ever fill me in on the bigger plan he has…

He wants to instill in me a trust of him… besides I would just worry and complain about his plan… wait I do that now 8) hope this helps…

And YES I feel distant from God often… I only feel close to God when I make connections of truth with other people!.... like yourself for instance! People who are aware of something missing and something bigger than what we can see with our eyes… fellowship with others seems to be how God draws near to me!!!! Oh there are a few other times now that I think about it… like in the presence of absolute beauty of creation.. like sunsets on the sea.. where I can, but not always, feel his presence in a whisper on the wind… but I have to be longing somehow…

Mostly it is the Giving of myself that produces a sense of the presence of God in me.

And here again is a quote from Oswald Chambers from Aug 6 : “we are not here to prove God answers prayer; we are here to be living monuments to God’s grace”….

o.k. so there’s that! And I’m feeling a little closer to God right now! 8) Bryan Duncan

Nifty Noodles/ DOA
West Coast Office….8/14/06
I went down to Grand Cayman for the chance to ponder my definitions and establish my mission to the end. But I forgot to take Oswald Chambers with me! So I was recovering the last week of My Utmost… and I’m gonna just read the highlights… we’ll call it Defining Oswald Again… here he is in light of my effort to redefine what I’m doing and where I’m going:

“we are not taken up into conscious agreement with God’s purpose, we are taken up into God’s purpose without any consciousness at all. We have no conception of what God is aiming at, and as we go on it gets more and more vague. God’s aim looks like missing the mark because we are too short sighted to see what he is aiming at”… “the work we do is of no account, it is so much scaffolding compared with the big compelling of God.”

“as long as you think there is something in you, he cannot choose you because you have ends of your own to serve. But if you let him bring you to the end of your self sufficiency then he can choose you… and that will mean the fulfillment of purpose which he does not discuss with you”… “the comradeship of God is made up out of men who know their poverty… he can do nothing with the man who thinks that he is of use to God.”… Christianity is not the work we do but the relationship we maintain and the atmosphere produced by that relationship”.

By now of course I’m befuddled and beside myself because I recognize something true in all of this. God has never filled me in on what he is doing ever!!! But I am still compelled by the fact that he is there doing something… I’m curios to say the least. How do I make that a part of my life?… what I see in religious circles seems more about safety and security.. and putting on an air of sanity that I do not have…and then projecting this little apparition…an appearance of the absence of evil!

Somehow there is an adventure I’m not getting at if I can spell out what I want to accomplish in the absence of an acknowledgement of a power greater than myself. I wish sometimes that my statement of mission could be as simple as “I want to sell apples”…this is gonna sound like so much cheesy religion perhaps… but my mission is to be in a relationship with God and find harmony in his purpose for me being here!...that said I don’t know how better to go about it … I’ve been hit or miss my whole life.

And I get defiant about following other people who claim to know. It always comes down to following a bunch of rules for rules sake!

It degenerates into conformity and compliance and it gets manipulative and produces shame and guilt.

And now you see that I am rebellious and proud… and I have my own ends to serve!! I think I’ve proven that it’s easier to get kicked out of church than to hang with it. I wanna sing and write about my feelings and discoveries… and I wanna play to people who have an open mind and a desire for adventure,… who spark to fresh insights on life or at least recognize the truth of our dilemma … but an open mind seems to be considered a dangerous place in religion.

I remember someone saying “if you don’t stand for something… you’ll fall for anything”…o.k. so now there’s this rush to stand for something… but we’ve thrown out the search so we can be safe! Circle the wagons! …. once again when I pass a church I think of that picture… stuck on the prairie… defending ourselves… unable to move ahead. O.k. I have trouble riding along side the wagons! I wanna scout ahead.. see the terrain before the wagon wheels carve an ugly groove in the clay…it’d be great if I could find the Indians before they crest the hill in war paint with their own agenda.

In writing this… I’ve realized that I’m sending a carbon copy to exactly twelve men whom I have found mostly recently to be on a similar path to my own… they are the wild at heart crowd… maybe I’m finding the right wagon train to follow… lewis and clark types, none with all the answers… but truly a passionate motley crew. Several have acknowledged a vast number of others they know personally who are also looking for a bigger picture and a greater challenge of purpose! This is the wagon train I wanna be a part of!

But now it has dawned on me how I’ve lost a certain “following” in my music…I have, by being myself, made many people uncomfortable perhaps with who they are and what they believe!!! I’ve discounted those who are inclined to find their own wagon train…

Where’s the right place to come down on all this?… people can tell with your body language whether you want to be with them or not…

And I have over the years communicated a great deal of disrespect for the efforts towards faith they might have because it doesn’t reflect my efforts… how do I lower my weapon with such a hostile perception of the rest of the world?

O.k. so there’s that! Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ Refiners Fire
8/9/06 Topeka Kansas…
After meeting Fredrick Umar at a Starbucks a few months ago… I found myself playing for his organization, Refiners Fire, a ministry outreach to Pastors and their families. The Starbucks was in Riverside but he works out of Topeka, Kansas. It was simply a chance meeting that led to another opportunity to serve with people of like mind and similar disillusion about what happens to us as we follow Christ.

This ministry is similar to twelve step recovery programs… in that the principles are applied to the recoveries of people in ministry positions who find themselves in the throws of the same struggles the congregation faces. Nate Larkin, founder of the “Samson Society” was the speaker who joined me.

He spoke of his own corruption while in the ministry with great insight into our roles as leaders… to serve as brothers not “parents”… “there is only one father” he said at one point… “Ministry is often doled out like the minister is somehow above the human race and immune to the temptations others face. The superiority complex usually leads to a downfall. Humility often comes with a price.

Nate was very well spoken… “I was very good at being very good” he said… and went on to acknowledge the many “Selves” we possess everyday. Comparing them to the “Hologram” images in Star Wars he said “we project outwardly to others an impression of ourselves all the time”. And I concurred. It’s what I’ve done my whole life… hoping that I could project the picture of purity and righteousness to the outside world knowing full well of my own shortcomings.

This all ties into what Oswald has been saying to me for some time… that our primary purpose is to serve as a monument to God’s grace… which requires a different kind of transparency. “One guy told me that something I said changed his life forever” Nate added. “and I was waiting to hear what great words of wisdom I had imparted to him”. “it was when you spoke of your relapse in addiction”… “it was a sharing of your weakness that gave me hope” the man added. We tend not to think of our weakness as something God can show his strength in. … that somehow… if we show every body how “very good” we are.. they’ll be impressed enough to act like they’ve got their act together as well.

Nate Larkin is a new found soul mate to me… a man after my own heart. And too Fredrick Umar in a different light is a new long term friend. That said.. I ran into an old friend who has moved back to his hometown of Topeka. You might remember the band with name Kansas? Well Kerry Livgren came by the hotel after the show to say hi… and he pulled up on his own Harley Davidson Road King… looking like the proverbial biker with the long mustache and leather dew rag. I had planned to sing on a project of his some years ago but we lost touch. He’s got a new band called Protocol… and he’s been working on a “cantata” he says… been working on it for several years as a matter of fact but he wanted to run some ideas by me. I’m willing… we hung out for a few hours at a local night spot with Fred and Nate and some other guys who were at the Refiners fire event. I sang three songs there before we left cause it was “open mic’ night. Enjoyed the whole evening.

I came away from the event with some tremendous insights into my own behavior that I will keep for my self and my future. But I can see a new frontier… Old things are still passing away and all things continue to become new.

O.K. so there’s that…. Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ A Pirates Vacation
8/8/06 Grand Cayman (less than 50 thousand inhabitants not counting the chickens… 26 miles long)
Giselah Ebanks is a soon to be 16 year old “fan” of my music. She lives in the Cayman Islands of all places… and learned of me from her mother Beverly, who heard me on the channel 40 of all places. After a couple of failed attempts to see me in concert in CA or at least meet me in person, She talked her dad into helping her put on a concert in Grand Cayman. It was short notice. I agreed a month out cause I was sitting idle in August out in the desert we call Riverside, and hey it’s a chance to go to the Cayman Islands again..... it’s a no brainer!

“Giz” is an intelligent and determined young woman who surprised everyone in Grand Cayman with her nerve to ask for a visit from a nationally recognized artist… that’s what I heard anyway. A radio talk show host didn’t’ believe she’d accomplished a connection and the local t.v. station showed up at the concert to get some footage. I booked my own tickets down there for a week to make a vacation out of it. But Giselah, with the help of her dad, secured the hotel, and the venue, and the promotion. It was a good turn out for a booking with less than a month to get the word out. The concert was “mellower” than usual.. maybe because I had a few days to get the feel of the island. I opened with “Blue Skies” and ended with “My Caribbean Dream”… I also did a new version of chop stix Caribbean style… singing “hey mon .. I’m in Cay mon”…. I think everyone there bought at least one of my CD’s. Can’t say that anywhere else I’ve played.

Giselah and Bryan just chillin'

Cadian is Giselah’s dads name and he’s quite a character. An original Island descendant, his father was a ships Captain of some renown in this pirates paradise. Cadian looks like an old salt too… 72 years old and still jumping five foot high fences to put up banners for the concert. He likes country music mostly, talked a lot about the politics of the region… and the history… he can’t sit still for very long either… he would talk to people everywhere we went, like he was running for office… promoting the concert as we shopped for souvenirs. He’s the kind of man that plants trees along the beach just for the improvements. I struggled to understand him through the heavy accent. But I was taking notes as I watched him. His nervous energy was familiar… so too was his willingness to grab a guitar and sing songs that meant the world to him. I learned a couple of chords from him and realized how many songs you can sing with just three chords! Including “you are my sunshine”.


Cadian Ebanks teaches Bryan some new licks........

I ate turtle stew at a local restaurant…and I had a home cooked meal of local Cayman food with Giz and her mom and dad…and the chickens…. Beef stew, fried fish, bread fruit, Cassava, and some other gooey fruits I didn’t care for 8). The cake was good though. The best of course is still the Tortuga rum cake that I brought home… about 200 bucks worth in a number of flavors.


Giselah and Bryan and "The" Funky Chicken

I spent most of my time on the white sand of seven mile beach. I sailed and snorkeled but mostly I just drank in the wonderful peace of life on an island! Even when it rained a few times.. it was fantastic… watching the downpour hit the Caribbean Sea and create a kind of mist over the water. The moon was full at night and swimming even after dark in the 78 degree water… you could still see the bottom the water is so clear.

I found most of the wildlife as I played off the coast… sea turtles, lobster as big as I’ve ever seen, and an array of fish and sea creatures that keep the diving interesting. I even took a bottle of sand home.. there is no beach sand quite like that in the Caymans I should think… at least not in all my travels… sifted white baby powder… it looks like snow in the pictures I have at the local beach bar across from my hotel. Sea grape seems to be the plant most likely to succeed here. Hurricane Ivan has still left it’s imprint on the community. I visited a few slabs where houses once stood… now swept clean by a category five storm. I visited Pirates Cove, where the pirates of old supposedly buried much treasure… and Georgetown and Boddentown are what Disneyland probably patterned their “Pirates of the Caribbean” scenery after. They were regularly attacked and burned by pirates I read.

Anyway, the concert was an excuse to get away really… and think about my career directions and what I really believe. In the long run I think only people matter and if you wanna give them something it’s best to know them first. Evangelism has developed a callousness I think… kind of a circle the wagons and fire the guns at the Indians running by sort of approach. Just a thought… I felt like if I were gonna be a “missionary” to any foreign country I’d wanna be involved in the community in ways other than building my little church facility and inviting people over. Really my “ministry” was mostly to three people over here. A young girl and her mother and father who live here day in and day out… and look for hope of influence that matters. I believe these days that God believes in sharp shooters more than grenade throwers!... I love grenades by the way… they make a lot of noise… but I think God has recently handed me a rifle with a scope on it…

O.k. so there’s that …. Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ Tip Jar
8/2/06 Backstreet Café, Riverside CA
Mark this date… it’s the first time I’ve ever played for tips! 8)…. I booked this little outdoors under the stars café just cause I wanted to sing local while I’m standing around.

Played all my guitar songs and keyboard unplugged tunes and then some 25 old and new tunes to tracks. Maybe a hundred people hung around the patio. It was a free gig… but the management put a tip jar out on the table in front of me. I had to smile the first time I saw someone drop a dollar in the jar…don’t remember what I was singing at the time.. see that’s’ something I might shoulda taken note of! 8) played two and a half hours with a ten minute break… got free food and all the coffee I could drink!

The sound system was smaller than the speakers for my laptop at the west coast office. I was nearly whispering the whole set… my family and friends showed up in surprising numbers and it was a fine time. My youngest son hung around too as he does similar kind of gigs. He tuned my guitar and brought me coffee all night. It was as close to a family gathering as I’ve been around for the last couple of years. Had a great father/son day too with Devin… helping him write songs.

Now I’m off for Grand Cayman to do a gig that’s gonna take me a week to do. 8)… spend a little time compiling the set list while I sit on the beach.

O.k. so there’s that…..Bryan d

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