Bryan rode with the local chapter of the Black Sheep, they brought him a bike to ride!
These days there is so much more meaning to dropping in on a location. Singing seems to be less the focal point. I’m connecting with people of different dreams and passions and finding a much bigger world than I could have imagined. One that truly does not revolve around me! That said… I came close to “oversharing’ in concert. It was hard to hear the music on stage. And In my nervousness I talked a lot. We played again my first ever “love and relationship” song during the event. I was singing a love song to a church crowd and I still carry a lot of insecurity from the expectations of the Christian world as to what I should be singing about.
“Don’t leave me in the dark” is a song plea to a partner to express their needs before it becomes a crisis and the song brings up much about my own divorce. I spoke of my new realities and how the world has opened up to me even after some dark days. But perhaps I made the show too much about my own experience to the exclusion of the whole band. Never the less I was greeted afterward by several who understood the pain of parting ways.
There were a lot of old fans.. people who’ve listened to my songs for twenty years or more… now bringing their kids who launch into improvised versions of “mr bailey’s daughter” and “Don’t you wanna Rap” after the concert. There is something to be said for stayin at a pursuit even after the mother lode has been mined. I had a chance to hear what songs meant to some on their own journey. I took time to listen to the stories. And we all have a story still in progress. And with the sad commentary of sorrows…I still heard a wonderful sense of on going freedom to find new joys. Remembering days gone by..
I also shared from my recovery the fact that I found addictions after I found Christ! And a local pastor was pleased to know he wasn’t the only one. It’s awkward to be personal on stage… but at least here it wasn’t an attempt to find sympathy. It was merely an acknowledgement of the “Potholes” I didn’t miss on the Road To Redemption.
O.K. so there’s That… Bryan Duncan
Nifty Noodles/ Barely Barrie
Nifty Noodles/ Winning in Fortuna
Nifty Noodles/ Entitlement
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Barrie, Ontario, Canada 8/18/07
I was as close to turning around and goin home as I’ve ever been this weekend… I left for LAX at two thirty in the morning because I nearly missed the last flight out of Los Angeles last week. I had a six a.m. flight and I was leaving the country which means two hours early to check in. Half way out of town I realized I forgot my passport… had to “fly” home to get it and upon arrival in L.A. I was greeted by a thousand other passengers tryin to check in. there was no chance I would make my flight now an hour before it was scheduled to depart.
I had to do some real creative ‘intervention” to get through check in and security.. frankly it had to be the hand of God that I made the flight. I created my own line near the front counter.. the sign said… “oversized check in”.. and remarkably I was granted a boarding pass ahead of everyone else… I was checking nothing!...from there I couldn’t get through the crush of people at the counter to go up stairs to security lines already a mile long… I finally found my way to the other side of the terminal to an empty gate reserved for “First Class” passengers… I walked up anyway… prepared for my sob story.. and the agent said nothing to me.. just let me go by… it was a miracle really. LAX is impossible during the summer… I missed a show last year because of the problem of processing and security.
Man I really don’t wanna do this anymore!... I would have gone home but for the fact that I would have had to pay for the flight anyway. Even that knowledge did not deter me from thinking seriously about taking out a loan and going home. It’s just not worth the hassle to fly. I was singled out in L.A. and Chicago for “Special” searches and upon crossing the border I was sent to the Canadian “FBI” room for interrogation. Another hour and I was on the fairgrounds outside of Barrie, to sing for forty five minutes. It would take me another 12 hours next day to get home. Here’s where you start to seriously question your calling!
The festival was outdoors next to the race track .. (race in progress). Yesterday Phil Keaggy and Randy Stonehill were on.. I was disappointed to have not run into them. But Tonight it was Avalon and “Two Guys From Petra”… and me… what I’m noting of late is how old these guys are getting… it’s astonishing frankly and then I think… I must be scarin them too!.. I think most of my age lines though are from flyin through the airports.
Anyway the concert was a complete blur… seemed like the guitar songs went over best and I ended with I love you with my life on the keyboard. The tracks weren’t really cutting it outdoors. In less than an hour I was headed to Georgian College Suites for the five hour sleep before going home. I spent some good moments with a few people I had met the last time I was here… had coffee at the only Starbucks in town.. and signed a stack of old vinyl releases from the stone age.
Bottom line is I’m distracted lately.. tryin to work and move everything as I prepare to meet the challenges of a second marriage. Found a house (the size of a small hotel) for rent that I was able to get for less than I was payin for my apartment thanks to the enormous number of foreclosures in Riverside. The owner was thanking me profusely just for movin in right away. But if you’ve ever moved your entire life one truck load at a time you know there’s a few weeks where yer not sure who you are or where you belong. I’m overwhelmed… took me a week to get my office set up again.. and there were over 1000 emails greeting me upon my return.. I’ve lost track of my concert schedule and the phone numbers to potential gigs.
All this distraction has left me a little ungrateful for a monumental shift in my recovery. God is doin things for me that I could not do for myself. I hope to find a few moments this week to be thankful for God’s provision… improve my conscious contact with him too…it’s a choice sometimes that means letting a few things slip through the cracks in order to stay connected to some kind of sanity.
So the “west coast office” is officially gone! And I’m not sure what to call my new digs.. but man do I have a lot of leg room! Jezebel has her very own garage just for her. Now sending out change of address notifications.. I’m in Mission Grove on the back side of Riverside. It’s thirty minutes longer to any airport. Maybe that’s a sign too…or just a desire I have subconsciously.
Still no official date for our wedding… tryin to find a weekend where we’re both available.. Cassie is working full time as well. But we’re talking of a very small private event on the beach still.. and maybe havin a house warming a few weeks after instead of a reception. I will be inheriting two teenagers.. girls at that..(hence the need for a bigger house). I’ve seen my fiancée less in the last month as the flurry of activity continues. I have a record to finish as well. We’re close on that I think.
Change is always scarry even when you know good things will come of it… there is a letting go of something to reach for something new. Currently I am in mid leap.. I hope I got a good enough running start!
O.k. so there’s that Bryan D
Fortuna, CA 8/12/07
Cory Fisher promotes a local festival off the northern coast of California near Eureka! He also has all but two of the album projects that I have done over my life time. I was invited to be the headliner this year. I spent several hours hangin around the tent where my product was bein sold… only to note that the majority of the crowd had no idea who I was.
The effort here was intended to unite the local churches and there were many “youth groups” represented. The response was good and I think folks were surprised. It was billed as a “Worship” festival and I’m not sure they were expecting my brand! I played everything for an hour and a half, including the lone keyboard stuff and the guitar diddy’s.
Northern California is home to escaped hippies and free thinkers and “evangelism” is a real challenge. There was much talk from the stage about “claiming” this area for Christ. And as I sat in my trailer awaiting my turn to sing I thought back about all the gigs I’ve done over the last thirty six years. Everything from Southern Baptist sponsored events to Mennonite gatherings. And I wondered what people think the world would look like if we were to “WIN” it for Christ.
I think the vision is a little short sighted.. what would be expected? When I see the variety of church cultures.. I think any expectation would be a little disappointing. Would we expect that everyone would act like us? We have enough divisions in church and distractions, that even if Christ dominated our culture it still wouldn’t meet our expectations! I continue to believe the worship of God stylistically revolves around temperament types and cultural backgrounds.
What is usually implied it seems when we talk of winning the world or claiming our city for Jesus is that there would be some kind of spiritual “stamp” of approval. A recognition factor… for instance..perhaps we would all talk like Pentecostal people. Am I wrong here?.. has anybody thought this through? What the world would really look like in that state? Heaven on earth? With all due respect I wasn’t sure what the statement is aiming at. God seems to be in control of the chaos in fact he seems to use the adversity of disbelief to challenge those who have convictions.
“God wants to be pursued” Cory told me on the ride to the airport. Wow I get that… and I liked the phrase! But pursuit of God in a fallen world doesn’t fall into one category. And I think “This sinful world as it is” is the primary reason we reach out for God in the first place. The concept of ‘conquering” the world for Christ is just too overwhelming… in fact I’m not sure it’s even scriptural. Until Christ subdues the devil himself it is not possible!
I’m not sure it’s possible for all believers to agree on much for that matter. All I do know is that God in his pursuit of me has given me a gift to freely give to others. I can love people one at a time and nobody is in exactly the same place in their pursuit or lack there of as I see it. I think God IS pursuing every soul.. and sometimes he lets us help! Anyway.. he inhabits my true worship of him that’s for sure.. but then I don’t know who feels that with me… certainly not everybody…
“I feel God’s presence when I’m watching movies where I see some kind of redemption or insight about a bigger reality” I told one guy at Denny’s after the show. “and I’m not even at church… but someone else could be sittin in the theater thinking how lost everyone there was!.
I believe God IS winning! We just can’t see how most of the time!.
O.K. so there’s that… bryan d
8/3/07 Spartanburg, South Carolina
I walked in to my home church on Victoria ave in Riverside late on Sunday morning, in time to hear the comment from my pastor “entitlement is an Old timers disease”. I just returned yesterday from a trip to the east coast to be a part of a “Timeless Treasures” concert. It is an honorable effort by Producer, Dan Posthuma and artist Alan Asbury to remember the best Christian songs of the last decade.
Invited to sing on this record and tour, have been a number of singers who were in their heyday in the nineties… this night included the Imperials, Dallas Holm, Bonnie Keen, Babby Mason, and myself among others. It was a presentation to a conference on worship music mostly and the Baptist church was full.
I came along way to be a part of this and I spent more time than I wanted, thinking about what happened in the past decade and how my life has changed since.
Forced to sit on stage through the entire event, I had ample opportunity to see time pass before my eyes. There were tearful moments but mostly in hindsight it was a sadness for what didn’t happen! The world didn’t change through our efforts like I might have thought. And this evening the only standing ovation was for a more recent song done by the local choir called “the end of the beginning”….how appropriate.
This audience though mostly older than I… did not seem to recognize the songs of our heyday with the possible exception of Rise Again by Dallas Holm… and maybe the Imperials singing Praise the Lord. I was depressed at the end feeling like a relic from a by gone era. I sang an unplugged version of my own best hit “I love you with my life”.. which to it’s credit drew a favorable response. But again there were many who were simply surprised by the power of a song they perhaps had never really heard before. It certainly didn’t make the list of the top 25 on the record.
I felt old and disconnected mostly and in the light of the new century I could see how small the Christian music world has truly been. I left exhausted emotionally. I had to drive back to Ashville N.C. to fly to Charlotte and then Los Angeles and then another hour and a half drive home… so I had a long time to sit with my feelings and process my life at 54 years of age. And I read Oswald Chambers and The Sacred Marriage searching for the future.
What I discovered in the processing of events… is that I am disappointed with my own impact on the world as I know it. This morning I realized that my sadness was clearly a mistrust of God’s plans…and poor “visibility” on my part. I heard this morning the scripture being read.. “don’t do your acts of service to be seen of men”… and it hit home… I suffer from the sin of “Entitlement”. I look, like most of us, for significance in my performances rather than to trust God with the outcome of my life. I get more credit than most I think.
Yesterday I spent the day with my fiancée’s family who gathered to celebrate some time together as two members are facing the realities of Cancer. I sang no songs for them and I offered no incredible insights from my experience. This was a bigger ball park in God’s purposes. Small Kindnesses seem to out weigh enormous efforts. I flipped burgers and hugged future family members… that’s all.
The two facing cancer treatments were presented with a couple of quilts from one relatives church.. each containing untied strings at each patchwork corner. “these represent the prayers people have prayed for you” one sister declared “and today we will each pray for you as we tie a knot in these strings!” There were tears of another kind in the room, tears of love from one person to another. There was no sense of entitlement at this gathering only gratitude for having the time to spend together. This is not a family marked by deep spiritual conversations or imagery either. There is a pondering of why sickness hits us so hard.
What draws us toward God is the acknowledgement of the things we cannot control in life I think. And I am closer to the knowledge of his presence now than I have ever been.
O.k. so there’s that… Bryan D