Nifty Noodles/ One More Funeral
2/23/05 Grand Jct,, Colorado
It wasn’t three days from returning from my favorite uncles funeral before I got word that I needed a return trip to Colorado to bury my grandmother.

Talk about a family icon… Ana Forney’s house was Mecca to my entire family. Her house was my one constant home and it’s still filled with my childhood memories.

She was almost 97 so it was no surprise and in some ways a relief to many of us as she was losing her faculties. Knowing it was coming didn’t stop the grieving process though and I can’t remember being so emotionally exhausted in my lifetime… “funeral fatigue” is what I was calling it… a constant desire to sleep and a lack of desire to talk to anyone.

It was more about the turning of a big page in life.. and the great moments lived never to return except in memory…

My Grandmother had 35 grand children 67 great grandchildren and 29 great, great grandchildren with five more on the way… and she sent birthday cards to them all too until the very end…”grandma would lie in bed and pray for everyone of us” my cousin Gary would say at the funeral… “maybe that’s why she always went to bed so early!” he added… Smartalec humor runs in the family as you can see. I over heard my own mother in a conversation with my cousin Denise… “Oh I could have picked you up from the airport” Denise says to her…. “oh that’s alright”… my mom replied “ I promised the Lord, I’d never ride with you again if he’d get me out of the car safe the last time I road with you!”

Someone else in the family related a story to me about our grandmother, living on the plains of Kansas when she was seventeen. Times were tough and she decided she was gonna commit suicide… but she wondered how bad it might hurt to kill herself so to get an idea of the pain she might inflict she decided to hit herself in the leg with a metal rod! That hurt so bad she opted against further pain! 8)

She was an original frontierswoman. And was still cooking for everyone and mowing her own lawn well in to her seventies. She thought the Denver Broncos were Gods own football team…and she prayed for their victories too… they went to the Superbowl a lot… makes you wonder about her connections to God. She’s also the one I mentioned a few years back in the noodles who tore off her kitchen wall paper and replaced it with an exact duplicate in a different color! Her kitchen was nearly holy ground for family gatherings throughout the years and conversations that will never be forgotten.

Ana Forney died on the 17th of February. There were at least a hundred family members in attendance and several hundred friends. Even after many of her friends have passed away before her, she was still connected. At least five family members sang songs at the funeral … I forgot how many singers there are in my background.

I sang “when I turn to you” from my quiet prayers record. It’s what she was listening to the last week of her life.

My Aunt Nyla led everyone in several old hymns from way back and the service took on all the church services of old that I remember as a kid. Grandma was wearing the dress in her casket that I got her for Christmas a few years ago… “she loved purple” my mom said. “ I can’t wear this” Grandma said on one shopping excursion “it makes me look like an old woman!” “ you are old mama” my mother told her laughing…. That’s what my mother remembered of her mother, at the funeral “She never thought she was old”

Dear God, how I will miss her!

Bryan Duncan

Nifty Noodles/ Discipline of Darkness
2/13/05… Glenwood Springs, Colo. My Uncles funeral.
I got word on the way down to a gig in Encinitas that my favorite uncle, Jack Sills, had died suddenly and unexpectedly out in Glenwood Springs, Colorado. I’m starting to realize how some things can mess with your disposition in other areas of your life before you realize what’s happening. Any death of a friend or family member is tough but I found my heartache sneaking up on me.

Normal routine things seemed to be missing something. There was a profound loss of purpose in things I’ve never minded. I agreed to sing at the funeral on Sunday and when they knew I was able to be there they asked if I would sing at the church services that morning.

This is one time where I was glad I wasn’t booked on a weekend.. I’ve missed a few family funerals because of work. The last three days have been mind numbing.

Fighting with emotions may be the most exhausting kind of fatigue I know. I had to hold myself together to sing at the memorial service. I had to “postpone” my sadness to perform “I love you with my life”. I was the last to present something at the funeral… I made people laugh at first as I talked about what Jack meant to me… “I can assure you I was his favorite nephew” I said after several people had mentioned how he made everyone feel like they were his favorite person. “when I was seventeen, Jack was the only older man I ever wanted to hang out with… to me he was Steve McQueen in the great escape”… and, after a pause, I launched into “I would like to say just before I leave you” and the place erupted in tears… some 600 people in attendance, at least 150 family members. Jack was an icon in this family! I was fine until the end… “I love you with my life” I sang a few times and with the last chord I finished…”Good bye Jack” and I was ruined for the next twenty minutes. I hugged immediate family members as they came out side. That night I slept for 11 hours and slept on the plane all the way back to Orange County before attending a 12 step meeting in San Diego. I am exhausted. Once again Oswald Chambers speaks to me…about the “discipline of darkness”. “Watch where God puts you in darkness and when you are there… keep your mouth shut. … Don’t talk to other people about it, don’t read books to find out the reason of the darkness, but listen and heed. If you talk to other people you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light”.

This is recovery! I will not run to obsessions and busyness because of this pain and the feelings that any loss conjures up. “What hinders me from hearing (God) is that I am taken up with OTHER THINGS. It is not that I will not hear God, but I am not devoted in the right place… I am devoted to THINGS, to SERVICE, to CONVICTIONS ( and I would add ‘to addictions’ ) and God may say what he likes but I do not hear him”.

I noted during the morning church services at this little mountain church, with windows behind the platform letting in the breathtaking view of the surrounding mountains, that I found the best part of any church service I’ve ever attended. It was when they took three minutes of silence to hear from God… No Music, no commentary, just silence, as a body of believers together… showing how it works to listen to God. Darkness is a place for Divine introspection. It’s where I learn everything. “Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace” always comes to mind from the Serenity Prayer. I don’t know why the world is the way it is… and I am often angry with God in my misunderstandings of his plans. I am angry with him for not bothering to explain everything to me too… trust in God comes at a price, it comes in the discipline of darkness!

O.K. so there’s that… keep coming back… Bryan Duncan

Nifty Noodles/ Whatever......
Encinitas, Ca Seacoast Community church…
I drove down Thursday to do some 12 step work by playing again at a Celebrate Recovery program… there was more than one group represented I gathered from comments. And there were a few people who had no idea what they were comin to. I was disconnected. Recent changes in my life have left me a little confused as to how to define my story these days. All my borders and boundaries have been moved around in the last 5 months. I’m not very often sad about things but I don’t know what to say about where I’m coming from right now. I just played the songs I’ve written in a clearer time period in my life.. and trusted that something made sense.

I don’t have to impress anyone really…. Or convince em or convict em or control em… it was just one of those nights where I couldn’t find many clear points running through my head. I probably shoulda sang “no you won’t yes I will” cause that was the place I was in. I had undefined expectations floating around my soul and I was disappointed.

My recovery sponsor/ friend went down to this meeting with me though and the conversation with him was worth while. Sometimes you get more out of the trip than the actual destination.

O.K. SO there’s that…. Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ New Stuff Happenin"
2/5/05 West Coast Office… CA
I’ve written five columns for cmcentral.com an online magazine with a readership of 2 million I’m told. The first of my entries went on line this week and I’m already getting emails and interest in radio rehab. One station today was asking how they could go about airing it… this is all stuff I started doing almost two years ago… and here I am astonished that suddenly there is someone new finding an enthusiasm for something I almost forgot I was doing because it has become second nature to me.

I’d like to also point out that the bryan d website is getting a magnificent face lift from Rich Davis my long time friend now and webmaster. It’ll be up soon and it is the first major overhaul of the look for several years I believe. I was super impressed with the basic layout of it today. Thanks Rich for all that work!

This is all the beginnings of overhauls… as music city live finally gets distributed by TAG artist Group and we are starting the grassroots work of getting the word out with the help of Publicist Brian Mayes.

Phil Curry, the keyboard player for the NehoSoul Band has begun preproduction on “This Christmas”… with the NehoSoul Band… a project I hope to deliver this Christmas.

Ricky B will be doing arrangements on new songs for a debut of Original material from myself and the NehoSoul Brothers with dreams of a release next year that is as soon as I can purchase the needed equipment. Red Road records is almost as small as the studio I’ve been recording RadioRehab in… and I couldn’t be more enthusiastic about the future of that endeavor.

I love all the hands on stuff and I’m appreciating other peoples input in a way I was not aware of back when I was just the hood ornament on somebody else’s Pontiac.

I’m finding it… what makes life worth living after fifty… new dreams and visions are keeping me young at heart.

I’m grateful to my friends for their faithfulness to me. Rich Davis and James Bowles, David Rowe, and Ray Ware, Holly and Pam at Streetlevel, Phil, Sam, Walter and Ricky B in the NSB…and those of you who read my drivel and add your insights and support… I am grateful.

OK so there’s that…Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ Youth Specialties
2/4/05 Thursday San Diego, CA
Some gigs are just a great chance to meet people you’ve known for a long time. I’ve sung at Youth Specialties/ Pastors convention since I was young. I’m not sure my presence here would suggest that I might be a good fit for “youth” concerts. I focus more on singing directly to the current and future leaders in youth work. I was happy with that.

Mike Yaconelli was the founder of this production and he died last year… I missed him immediately as I walked in. He was enthusiastic in a smart alec and sarcastic kind of way and he gave me hope that I could be who I was and have faith. He had a way of shooting down all self righteous pontifications with humor. He was a true original among a flock of look alike ministries. He dared to think for himself and unlike me over the years refused to step away from his convictions when they clashed with the mainstream. I liked him then and I miss him now.

His friends are still here though and I feel better about humanity because of these people at work. They were very accommodating and I sung a 15 minute set for the “general assembly” at 4 in the afternoon. The highlight was singing ‘maybe I’m Amazed” with Rick Muchow and the praise and worship band from Saddleback church. I played a full concert to a handful of people at 9:30 p.m. and I was really struggling with my voice… a combination of allergies this time of year and that cold and flu plague that hits every year around now. My throat never hurt so much but I stayed on task in a very low key presentation that included a lot of my own insights from years in Christian Music. All those old wounds are turning into lessons for others and I am healed just alittle more. God Never wastes a hurt.

OK so there’s That… Bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ What A Day May Hold

2/1/05 Anaheim, CA The Vineyard Christian fellowship.
KKLA in Los Angeles did a live remote as part of the anniversary celebration at the Vineyard in Anaheim. I was asked to sing in front of three nationally know writers and speakers from New Life Ministries… Steven Arterburn, Dr. Henry Cloud, and Dr John Townsend. They have a national radio talk show and they deal with relationship issues.

The Vineyard may be one of the nicest concert facilities I’ve ever seen in Southern California. I’d like to do a band gig here sometime in the future. The staff personnel here were amazingly affable.

For a thirty minute presentation I sure got a lot of leads for future dates… three contacts for concerts, one offer to speak at an AA meeting, an offer to be the worship leader at a church, and one guy who owns a couple of radio stations is interested in developing the radio rehab format further… we’ll talk I’m sure. After all these years there was still many who had never heard my music before and were surprised in a good way… and then there were die hard fans that turned up with records I haven’t seen in 20 years.

I’ve been sick for a few days now and I was on that daytime cold medication just to feel human but I volunteered my time for this Tuesday night event. It was well worth it.

It was a “redemption” crowd and a large one. My worst experiences in life are contributing my redefinition of what I do and I’m finding a stronger connection to people who are hearing my songs… I played Everything in the Garden, Into My Heart, and then some guitar tunes…. Including “used again” and then I never lied to you and Things are gonna change. And I was understood and all the songs said more together than I ever intended when they were written alone.

o.k. so there’s That bryan d

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