7/29/01
Nifty Noodles/ Loved On
Estes Park, Colo. July 29, 2001
My voice is gone from last night's late night concert on the west coast. I'm not recovered fully from the embarrassment of that experience. I'll make this one short. I only have a twenty minute show to do here. Once again just one of several artists on showcase. Jackie Velasquez, Salvador, Nikki Leonti are a few others here tonight.

Its the beginning of a seminar for new CCM artists. Wanna be's who come to compete in a contest for a record deal and learn how to get started. I came on at 9:20 in the evening. Just before I went on I was greeted side stage by a mother and her daughter. They were so excited to see me that they threw their arms around my neck and hugged me like a long lost relative. They were quite emotional. The daughter began to weep almost immediately as she said your songs have meant so much to me. I have no idea what is going on in their life but I am moved almost to tears as I give them my brief attention.

I'm being introduced even as they are talking to me. It changes my whole attitude about the gig. I started out being funny but still feeling the intensity of the tears of those women.

"I've only got 20 minutes tonight" I said, "so I'm gonna play five seconds of all my favorite songs!!" I did play the openings to a few songs just to prove the point. "I can't possibly make a good impression in this short a time" I continued "it usually takes me a few years". "I'm hear to prove that you can still do Christian music even after the record company says you should get out" I noted after the second song. The laughter was huge.

I was looking at myself on the monitor screens. They film this event. I looked so old I was getting depressed right then. My voice was raw and it would crack on the high notes. After a sloppy version of "maybe I'm Amazed". I started into a piano only version of "if you Pray for me". the scratchyness in my voice and the memory of the desperation I sensed when the mother and daughter spoke to me came together to recreate that real sense of need that this song implies. I could feel it down to my own toes. I almost broke into tears myself. It trails off into the emptiness with "I need to know he hears my prayers and that he cares for me" It got a standing ovation.

I imagine it's the desperation any of these people feel about trying to find their place in the music world. Comparing themselves to all that is successful. It's a great way to lower your self esteem. I was thinking of how poorly I was doing on this gig. And then suddenly I thought of all the times I've been here and felt that sense of loss and the desire to quit. How devestating it was to feel rejected by an audience. And I realized I had a chance to encourage this group.. Instead of impressing them!

"Don't let anybody tell you you can't sing or do what you love cause you don't fit mold" I told them seriously. "God gave you something and put a desire in your heart to follow. Trust him with it." I finished with "a heart like mine" not even singing the high notes just smiling and watching them go by as people in the crowd sang them for me. "Thank You folks... Have a good week" I ended. There was a second standing ovation.

I don't think I've ever had that happen. And all in a 20 minute set. You know why? Cause it wasn't about me. What I got in the end was loving words from old friends and new and a satisfaction that I've always wanted from trying to impress everyone.

O.K. So there's that! bryan d

7/28/01
Nifty Noodles/ Spirit West Coast
I arrived at the tent I was to perform in after several attempts to find someone who knew which one it was. I drove in the front gate in a rental car. Took thirty minutes to get in the place. They don't have a backstage entrance. It's held at the Laguna Seca Raceway. I hadn't realized until reaching the check in, that I wasn't even playing the first of two sets on the main stage.

O.K. You know this bothers me to begin with... festivals I mean. But I've now become a sideshow as well. The incredible shrinking man with two faces. So I'm wrestling with the idea that I don't even qualify for the main stage these days as we drive over to the other side of the festival. I know it has to happen in your career. What goes up must come down. I just never thought about how it would feel when it came. I was working on my attitude when we found the tent. We also found there was no dressing rooms or even a place to hang around for the multiple hours you are on location. I'm frustrated. Our hotel is an hour from here. It's easy to be blamed for being some kind of rock star if you complain about petty things like a place to lounge. So I'm feeling "out of Gods will" for thinking about it at all. Fortunately I brought my latest manuscript for the book I'm writing..."It's not about me" I think is the title too, how timely as I struggle with that very concept. They are paying me to come here. They've invited me but it's like showing up at somebody's house for dinner and the door is open but you have to let yourself in.

"Oh well just an oversight, man, get a life" I tell myself. So I park my car at the rear end of the tent and sit in my car and correct the manuscript for the next forty minutes while waiting for my time to sound check. There are stages everywhere and the volume is overpowering. I don't mind loud either unless there are four kinds of music being played simultaneously. Lets put all the music styles in a blender and throw them in your face. Anyway I'm getting something done and the time goes by. Finally it's time for sound check. While I'm on stage a guy yells at me from the tent flap hey you gotta move your car you can't be here! As I leave the stage to move it I find a guy already in the car driving it off with my clothes and personal stuff. He's taking it to the parking lot.

That was it for me. I went ballistic. "You get my car back here right now mister" I yelled at the fire marshall in the little golf cart. From there I proceeded to tear his leg off and beat him over the head with the bloody end of it. (not literally, I'd be in jail now) I was on the phone immediately looking for revenge... I'm off this gig I said to my agent on the phone. Get a hold of the promoter and let 'em know we're done here.

A half hour later I was still shaking, I was so angry. Then I began to lay into the "official" who finally showed up to see what was happening. (He was a fan too by the way.) "Man I helped start raising money for this festival years ago and this is the kind of treatment I get. Who do you guys think you are now? "I don't treat my dog as bad as you treat the artists here" "we're the ones people come to see remember? We're just a bunch of paper plates to you. Something to throw out when we don't appear to have the draw any more. This is about being a gracious host for God's sake. I can get this kind of treatment at a biker bar where I'm not invited". Well you can see it gets ugly. I should have taped the whole dialog and counted how many separate issues I was dealing with in my own mind at the time. I must confess to you that I also borrowed some of my spicier "golfing" words as well in this over the top dialog. A bigger Rock Star would have had a manager do this for him so I could look like the pious saint that we Christian artists are supposed to be.

I have to go on stage now after becoming Satans most cherished possession! I thought how Ironic it would be to sing "I'd like to thank you Jesus" as an opening number. Now of course I've missed any sound check because of this little diversion. I'm introduced and I just walk up and hit the button... I'm gonna sing whatever comes on the track. It's "Joy is a singable thing" That's good cause it's not a workable thing right now. I sing down a blistering set, putting all the power of my anger into the vocal licks. This is where screaming can be healthy. As it turns out the music is awesome and my voice is nailing it. Thirty minutes go by quick.(all this trouble for thirty minutes too. Yea "it's not about me" but I never said I was happy about that, ever.

I left to play golf and get away from the festival all together until my late night show at another tent close to midnight. When I return, boy the word is out about my little "meltdown". I feel just plain defeated. I get back stage and they have a little curtained off place with a giant reclining chair in it. It's plugged in and has a little vibrator unit and and ice chest in the left arm of it. There's a little sign that reads specifically for Bryan Duncan. I have to laugh out loud now cause it feels so ridiculous. But I did appreciate the effort. No other artists showed up for the late night event. Either they were afraid they'd get caught in the crossfire. Or maybe they couldn't find their cars after they were removed as well. I did a full hour show cause no other artists showed up. (It would cost me my voice in the cool night air)

The entire staff of Spirit West Coast dropped by to say hi before and after the show. A show of support that clearly made me aware that nothing here was done intentionally to be rude. It's just what happens when there are so many details to deal with. I laughed with the promoter Jon Robberson and his wife about the embarrassment that I created. It was nice to at least be able to say Hi to folks I've worked with my whole solo career, and even back in the sweet C days of the seventies. I apologized to the one official who didn't need the whole dialog I gave him. The fire marshal in the golf cart though needed to hear from somebody. And I was happy to contribute. We buried him behind the tent, a small unmarked grave. I"m fine now though... thanks for asking.

7/27/01
Nifty Noodles/ Gorgeous George
Friday July 27 Moses Lake, WA
I flew in here last night for an afternoon show with the Sweet Comfort Band at Creation festival West. It's out at The Gorge amphitheater outside the little town of George. I thought there was a spelling error somewhere when I kept seeing the different locations named on paper. This is ten miles south of a town called Quincy. Part of my childhood was spent there. My dad was a pastor of the Assembly of God Church in Quincy. So I got up early to go back and revisit my recollections. I started school in this town, got swimming lessons, took accordion lessons too, and was on my first little league baseball team. (we finished last)

Man I remember my phone number here and the street address... 506 J street SE. We drove right to it. This is not a big town. The "Quincy Mall" is the size of a "Pick n Save". They do have a new McDonalds though. I think the town revolves around it as that was the only sign of life. It's a rare thing to go back to a childhood memory and find it completely still in tact. Even the vacant lot across the street from my house was still vacant! I used to play marbles in that lot. "hey that¹s great" the guy said that drove me out here. ( he's thinking to himself, I drove out here at seven a.m. To take a picture of a vacant lot).

From the outside it looks boring but it's a Technicolor memory for me. The house is still there. "I used to sit on this porch when I was five, and pull the legs off Daddy long Legs spiders." I told my driver. I'm having a great time by myself right now. I stopped by the base ball park out back of the elementary school where I played my for the "warriors". I also learned at six years old that right field was where they put the worst player on the team in little league. The monkey bars at the city park were the exact same ones I used to play on. This is priceless. We used to swim in the canal over there even though there was a perfectly good swimming pool. The church had a new add on but you could still see the original building minus the cross on the front. The planter was gone too. The one I fell against while rough housing around on the lawn. There's a chip out of my lower front tooth to this day, because of that day.

I don't know why this is so compelling. Going back to relive little unimportant stuff. But today it was more fun than the gig. Oh yea, the gig... It was o.k. . Cleanest festival site I've ever seen. And organized too. They actually accommodate the artists back stage, as if they were guests. The show was only thirty minutes long and they were timing from the minute the last band stopped playing. We didn't get all the songs in of course. I lost my place trying to read the lyrics on one song and I made stuff up in that section. People always remember that stuff more than the flawless presentation. I signed stuff for about forty five minutes and headed back to Moses Lake. Moses Lake... It'd be interesting to get some info on how that name was chosen. Maybe cause Moses crossed the sea on dry land and that's what this place looks like mostly... A desert. We caught the last Horizon flight to fly out of Moses Lake. They are abandoning this town after today and so am I.

O.K. So there's That bryan d

7/15/01
Nifty Noodles/ On Death And Dying
7/15/01 Sunday night.
I buried my grandmother Duncan last week. She was laid to rest in Delta, Colorado in a cemetery on a hill next to her husband, my grandfather. There's two generations of Duncans buried here. Ervin Duncan was one of 14 children of Jesse Duncan who had a 100 acre farm in the area. I met Duncan's from around the country, and relatives I've never known. I drove all night from Denver with my brother Brad cause summer storms had closed the airport. I didn't mind the time together it'll make a good memory in the midst of the rest.

Ella was a praying woman, very curt in her conversation. "You never had to guess where Ella Duncan stood on any subject" someone said at the funeral, "she'd let you know". "She scared folks who didn't know her"... But she was always quick to apologize for saying the wrong thing, which was often". I sang "Dying To Meet You" and shared my favorite memory of my grandmother. I remember seeing her copy of My Utmost for His Highest upon one visit." She would argue with the author in the margins" I smiled. She was her own woman and I see her ways in me. I found her copy of that book after the funeral and brought it home with me. The things she underlined in the last year of her life makes for interesting reading.

My dad said a few words at the end of the service, remembering how his mom used to pray for them when he was a kid. He'd hear her bring up every name of every member of the family he said. "I lay awake in the morning waiting to hear my name" he added.

I came home to a very sick dog, our family pet for thirteen years. Susse was a miniature Schnauzer. The vet suspected cancer, but she was almost blind and going deaf. She had a heart murmur and her hind legs were so stiff she could barely walk. We had her put to sleep on Friday the 13th. She died in my arms by a lethal injection. I was surprised at how emotional this was to my wife and I but we've shared our house with this little dog for over a decade. She grew up with our kids. She was always home when I would come back from the road, often to an empty house as everyone in the family would be busy elsewhere.

She died rather comfortably I believe and in about 5 seconds. My grandmother laid dying for about 5 years. I'm not sure I understand the morality here. It's not a good time to look at those issues right now I guess, but it's been a long week.

Tonight I went to Java Books down the road from me and did a couple of songs for free. There were other Christian bands there but they let me crash the party. Man it felt good to sing!!!

7/09/01
Nifty Noodles/ Car, Truck, and Cycle Show
July 8,01 Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Live at the Anaheim Angel Stadium ( Edison field) home of the California Angels. The first annual Harvest Car Truck and Motorcycle show... (In smaller print) also making an appearance, The incomparable Bryan D.

I figured this would be a great fit to show off my own Joyride.. The CD and my 356 Speedster. By three o clock I was On stage at the front gates of the Stadium facing a wandering crowd of maybe five thousand. There were maybe two hundred actually facing me. Sitting in the shade of the giant baseball hat I was playing under.

This gig was near bliss for me . A one and a half hour show with a very good sound system. I started with Joy is A Singable Thing. It wasn't a soul crowd really. These car enthusiasts and bikers are mostly white... They like country music and old fashion rock and roll. But they recognized my enthusiasm and the chairs began to fill up.

The highlight? When I played the little medley of three mellow tunes starting with "I Love You with my life". I stopped in the middle of the song because some of the bikers were moving their Harley's and revving the engines to the point of distraction.

Rather than being annoyed (a rare change in attitude for me) I looked over and saw a bike I recognized from my trip around the show. "I'm sorry folks", I said "I lost my concentration and forgot the words to this song... If you look right there to your left you'll see a 1944 Harley Davidson in mint restored condition! ... It's my pick for best in show" I said. The whole crowd wheeled around, necks craning to see what I was pointing to. "If you saw it up close you had to see the board with the pictures of it when a father and son found it in the grandfathers garage. The bike was rusted, laying in several pieces, caked in dust & dirt. It had been discarded and forgotten for the last thirty years. Until a father and son recognized it's value even broken apart like it was." "You ever feel broken apart like that? Or forgotten for thirty years?" I continued "There's a father and son who recognize your value! .. I am a work of restoration myself" I noted. This little dialog was completely off the top of my head, nothing of it was ever planned until I spoke. It was like divine intervention. I think a Harley's motor revving was actually God clearing his throat to interrupt!

From there I went into "when I turn to you". Suddenly the song had a clarity it had never had before. Let's face it this was not a gig where I would be exalted as the hot music of the new age. It was closer to the edge than I've been in a while... Playing to people who don't know my music from dog meat. You can't come on like your really something. You have to have confidence in your songs and what you are saying. That rarely comes to me in concert from the spiritual side.

Sure it was a Christian dominated event but you could feel the difference from the "safe crowd" we often entertain in the world of CCM. "I'd love for you to buy my new record over there under that tent" I spoke "I haven't had a word from the Lord or anything that you should... But if you don't I'll be talking to him about you later today" I laughed. The people responded to the smart-alecky stuff like that all day. "Some of you might recognize me from past crusades" I said at one point while introducing a song...they wouldn't let me play this one inside so I came out here!". They lean in like I'm tellin 'em a secret.

I'm making the best of my time here. It feels like a swap meet though and I'm surprised at where I'm having to go to find an audience. It's like the whalers from Nantucket who had to sail further and further away from what was familiar to find success. Risk is greater doing gigs that don't make you look like the big deal. But if you have anything of value to say or of any worth in passion. It can't help but be recognized. Although my youngest son said there were two women at the stand who thought I was imitating Bryan Duncan of all people. They weren't aware that I was singing here today. To them I was an imitation of myself! How sad to be NOT recognized for being as good as I actually am! ;)

O.K. So there's That bryan d

7/05/01
Nifty Noodles/ Sweet Comfort in Cornerstone
7/5/01 Thursday Cornerstone Festival
Sweet Comfort Band took the stage for the second time in eighteen years. We played at a small side stage under a red and white striped revival tent. We added Childish Things and Somebody Loves You to the longer set. The Jam sessions went smoother than last week as well. I'm amazed at how I reverted back to the "less outspoken" person I was as lead singer of this band ... I never found a voice when I played in Sweet C. My humor has developed (or degenerated) since leaving the band and having more of an opportunity to share what I have really felt.

I made fewer mistakes tonight and actually looked at the audience during songs. The tent was packed and the crowd was focused on the event in progress. I was thinking how a lot of the people here were born after Sweet Comfort Band broke up. They didn't all recognize the songs but seemed to be enjoying the sound. It is so different from the other stuff I've heard here already.

One guy told me there was this group of about thirty "gothic" looking kids walking by the tent who stopped to listen to our sound. "Wow who are these guys they were sayin'" like they were impressed. They sat down outside the tent and took in the concert. Never judge a book by it's cover I guess. There were lots of old bands at this one. Larry Norman joined Randy Stonehill on a tune. Stryper was the headliner on the main stage this evening. So the old guys were out in force.

Thirty thousand fans attended Cornerstone festival outside of Chicago. At least that's what I was told. This is a different crowd all together from the Creation Festival last week. Same dusty camping squalor though. I like this event more than last weeks. Don't know why. This is mostly rock and alternative bands, looks like to me. Lot of weird hair, nose rings and tongue's pierced. I still look out of place but I feel more at home with this crowd. There are stages everywhere at this event and even bands just setting up along the side of the road in some cases. There is a freshness to the music here even if it's not my favorite stuff at least it isn't sanitized beyond recognition. The enthusiasm can be felt just walking around... It's like a renaissance fair.

I enjoyed the hang time with many old acquaintances. Seemed like there was more to talk about with people back stage. My ears were still ringing when We finally drove out after midnight. But it was time well spent.

O.K. So there's That!

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